Communicating With A 2yr Old



communicating with a 2yr old

The Good Girl

DD can be generous, wanting to share her food, drink, toys etc. Caring, if she see’s a sore on you she will pull a little sad face and point at it. She will also kiss you better if you are hurt. She is funny and does hilarious things that are often her imitating something she has seen Mr Wonderful or myself do. Like spitting when she brushes her teeth, of course she can not spit but her little attempts are hilarious. Today she imitated me using a roll on deodorant with one of her toys. There is nothing sweeter than a snuggle and a kiss from her but there is another side.

Tantrum - an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child

The Tantrums

For those that don’t know her i am sure they think she is the devils spawn or that i am the worst mumma. The tantrums can be very intense . Deathly screams that i am sure the whole neighborhood can hear, throwing herself on the ground or headbutting the walls/doors. She will get a run up to headbutt the doors sometimes, she hits it so hard it honestly sounds like we are doing demolition work. DD goes to another place, a place where nothing you say will ease her distress/ rage. You can ignore her but this one has staying power and does not easily give up. You can laugh at her and yes sometimes this works and turns her screams in to half giggle screams but mostly makes her scream even louder.

These tantrums are  99% of the time brought on by her not getting her own way. This part was easy to work out. Now how do i deal with this! Saying ‘No’ or trying to explain why she can not touch this/ have this/ do this. Removing her from the situation and placing her somewhere different. Trying to distract her. Ignoring her. Walking away. Making her aware that her behavior is not cool and always being firm on not letting her get her own way have had no positive effects in fact the opposite. Her tantrums have been getting worse. This has to stop.

She is nearly 2, her behavior is not her fault it is mine. So what am i doing wrong? Communicating with her is not about getting her to listen to me it is about me not listening to her, watching for her signs and helping her deal with the frustration of not being able to say what she wants. I had this epiphany 1 week ago and guess what her behavior has improved. YAY.

what next?

What Next

I started with paying a lot more attention to her and then asking her to show me what is wrong or what she wants. She now leads me around telling me what she wants to play with next or what she wants to eat. No i am not letting her be the boss. She leads me to the drawer that has her bouncy ball in it only when i ask her what she wants to do now. She leads me to the kitchen and points at the Banana’s when i ask her if she is hungry. If she gets sooky i ask her what is wrong? show mumma what is wrong? She has led me to her bedroom door, the wind had closed it. She rubbed her arms and said something that sounded like cool, then led me to her wardrobe where her jumpers are.

I am sticking with only one form of action when she does have a tantrum. At the moment that is ignoring her unless she is doing something bad like headbutting then she gets a firm No. Honestly i have no idea what i am doing and this is all a work in progress but our new form of communicating seems to be having a positive effect.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us and for DD i am sure these tantrums are not fun for her either.

Find out more about tantrums here –

Getting Your Bubbas Outdoors – The Benefits

9 thoughts on “Communicating With A 2yr Old”

  1. Those terrible twos stages are really hard and I have it all to come again. I wish I could say it gets easier but three year olds can be so much harder. But like you said you cannot let them think that they are the boss. They need to know who’s the parent xx

    1. Good luck luv, fingers crossed the terrible two’s arent that bad for you this time. DD is doing much better now that we are finding ways for her to communicate. I keep reminding myself how she must be feeling not to mention she is dealing with teething too but also making sure she knows who is the boss and that actions have consequences.

  2. Good post. I think the key here is that this is nonverbal. Even adults are not always good explaining their feelings with words when they’re carried away with emotions. How hard it must be to small child!

  3. YES! I love this! I think it’s so important to try and get alongside our kids to work out what is going on, rather than seeing their behaviour and just thinking they are “bad”. I’m so pleased that your new approach is working and I hope that it leads to a happier, calmer household for you! #blogcrush

  4. Empathising with them and realising that they’re not adults and are still learning how to regulate their emotions, as you say, is key. When my little bear has a meltdown (normally tiredness giving him contradictory or unworkable wants) I find the only thing to do is sit it out until he asks for a cuddle. #BlogCrush

  5. It does make all the difference when you stop ‘telling’ and start ‘listening’ and they are lessons for life too. The more you listen now the more she will listen to you later.

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